Good morning

The headlines:

1. Diamond would be a catch.

   Link: For PE firms in America.

   Just in case Mr Diamond has been going “where to now”, Bloomberg has helpfully sought out advice on his behalf from a group of recruiters.

   I was intrigued because I’ve often wondered what happens to all these CEOs who are fired resign in large amounts of scandal. Do they just retire?

   Apparently not. It seems that they set up house in an investment fund and manage more people’s money.

   Using their “aggressive dealmaker” skills. So there we are then.

2. Diamond = Dimon.

   Link: self-flaggelation is the new black.

   Mr Diamond spent some time in front of British Parliament yesterday where he spent an inordinate amount of time apologising profusely. Stuff like “reprehensible” and “mistakes*” and “when I read the emails from those traders, I got physically ill”.

   Which made me laugh a little – because I’m sure the physical illness had everything to do with how reprehensible it all was, and nothing to do with the “I am so effed” realisation.

   Either way, clearly that’s what went through the mind of the MPs. I believe it was phrased: “Are you living in a parallel universe?”

   It is a little hard to believe that the Diamond had no idea what was going on. Or though, I do like the point that it may have been because it was a little like speeding on a highway. Everyone does it, so no one really talks about it.

   Unless you’re a giant truck: one that causes vortices and can destroy towns if it crashes, etc. Which is probably the part that Barclays forgot.

   *?

3. BOE’s Deputy Governor requests Libor hearing.

   Link: Yes – that awkward phone call that you need to explain.

   Ha ha ha.

   Mr Tucker is in a bit of a hole, I’m afraid. Making that blasted phone call from the BoE going:

   “Gosh, chaps. But your rate submissions seem a tad on the high side. I mean, dash-it-all, but you’re meant to be the most solvent British bank we have in this crisis – and now you’re bloody well telling the market that you can’t borrow at the same rates as your competition. It’s bad for confidence, my lad. Anyhow, I’m just pointing it out, and you know, as you Americans say, ‘wotever homie’.  Congrats on the Lehman buy – that was grand. Lovely to see you on Saturday last. That claret was truly delightful. I’ve had the missus buy the cellar. Cheerio for now.”

   Now it’s all “Barclays misinterpreted”.

4. They’re pretty sure that they found something.

   Link: The God Particle – we think.

   The five-sigma confidence level assurance that “ve found somezing”.

   I couldn’t always understand what the gentleman from CERN was saying, but it sounded a lot like “it might be ze Higgs Bozn, and f’it iz, zen ve need to eztablish vat type of Bozn t’is”.

   They found what gives matter its mass. I’m not sure of the real world relevance just yet, but the metaphor they use in the article is “the Higgs Boson is like Angelina Jolie”.

   It caught my attention, and it presumably means that it gives particles from all over the world a home in the Pitt. That, and mass hysteria.

   Too much fun. I’m having it.

5. Hollande announces his new plan for France.

   Link: OUTRAGEOUS.

   By 2013, the plan is to tax France’s wealthy on 75% of their income (applies to anyone with income over €1 million).

   Expect a wave of wealthy Frenchmen to put their EU passports to good use and skip over to Guernsey or Belgium or Cyprus.

   The basic crux of the plan is “cut some spending” and “tax the hell out of the rich bastards”. The real question: is this productive?

   Probably not. It all sounds remarkably Socialist to me. The trouble is: if you tax the hell out of the wealthy, and the wealthy then get the hell out, then you’re not really “re-distributing wealth” so much as “eliminating it”.

   We shall see.

That’s all for now.

Have a good day.