20120614-073524.jpgOh snap.

Oh no he didn’t.

The number of tweets on this made Paul Kedrosky* almost long for some Facebook IPO scandal*.

So what went down? The news items:

Link: Dimon fires back at “complex” system.

Link: Dimon says fiscal cliff may be reached before year-end.

Jamie’s key points:

  1. The hedge “morphed in somethat that I can’t justify”
  2. My subordinates be bitches.
  3. JPM will clawback some of the compensation earned by those responsible.
  4. Sorry sorry public apology for letting people down sorry sorry.
  5. However
  6. While we’re doing this
  7. I have some observations
  8. The Volker Rule be volked – because the you lawmakers are trying to make a distinction between proprietary trading*** and hedging****. And, well, “you can look at almost anything we do and call it one or the other”. So, fail.
  9. The Dodd-Frank***** legislation has just created muddy waters: “No one can adjudicate between all the various regulatory agencies and it’s not clear to me who has regulatory authority”. So, fail.
  10. You lawmakers – well, your failure to reach an agreement on budget issues caused quite the downturn last year. Definite fail.
  11. You’re all expecting the fiscal cliff to be reached come December 31st. But you’re wrong – if you look to be failing again, the market will start taking action before that.
  12. “We have to get our fiscal act in order. I mean, it’s either going to be done to us or we’re going to do it ourselves”.
  13. FAIL

Lessons to take from this:

  1. Offense is the best defence
  2. Drown out criticism by making profuse apologies
  3. End with a veiled threat

I love it.

Now on the edge of my seat for Round 2****** – when the JD is back to testify.

Amen to that.

*Of much Bloomberg and blog acclaim.


***Proprietary Trading: trading using your own account, for your own gain. In the case of a bank – that would be the bank trading with its own capital. The Volker Rule wants to prevent this – as it makes the banks more risky.

****Hedging: trading using your own account in order to offset some of the risk that you have taken on by doing investment banking stuff for peeps. The Volker Rule wants to encourage this – as it makes the banks less risky. In theory.

*****The Act meant to regulate the finance world – adopted in the wake of the Subprime Crisis.

******I feel like Congress really thought that they had this in hand. Calling the man to come in twice. Boss.