So this:

And this:

And this:

Come folks. It’s a simple rule: DON’T TALK ABOUT WORK ON FACEBOOK.

But I’ve given it some thought, and here are some other things that will (and should) get you fired:

  1. Working with children and friending them on facebook. Because, zir*, you are now a click away from liking one of their self-pics. Which makes you a bit paedophilic zo-and-zo. And, like, what are you doing anyway? Do you seriously need 12 year olds to up your friend count? Come now.
    *FYI – “ze” and “zir” are apparently the gender-neutral pronouns of choice for people that spend too much time thinking about their sex while claiming to be above it.
  2. Checking-in to fun places while off sick. Employers may know that most sick days are mental health days – but when you make it obvious, by going to the movies, when you’re claiming to be in bed and hacking up lung, you’re forcing them to make an example.
  3. Checking-in to fun places while at work. Because, I guess, what’s the fun in bunking work if you don’t actively try to get caught?
  4. Calling customers “chavs”. Doing it verbally isn’t great – but you may get away with it when it turns into a their word versus mine situation. But you need to ask yourself this question: “Am I willing to put that in writing?” Because if you are, just remember that it is now evidence in a disciplinary hearing. And it’ll be discussed at every new job interview. Like these 12 Virgin Atlantic air hostesses.
  5. Ranting in general. Honestly – when did we decide that airing one’s fury in public was going to be helpful? Here’s what everyone else thinks when they read those daily updates: “OMG you’re deranged. Goodness gracious. A loose cannon that I NEVER WANT TO WORK WITH.” And those are just your friends.
  6. “Like”ing facebook pages/photos that cross a prejudice line. Freedom of speech is a myth. For sure – if you want to be a douche bag, you’re free to do it. But there are consequences*. To my dear extremist evangelical friends, who appear to have been told that one of the key affirmations of faith is declaring that the muslims, jews, democrats and homosexuals are hell-bound… Just be aware that big corporates aren’t afraid to go all Ancient Rome on your soon-to-be-martyred-by-firing ass.
    *I think “Freedom of Speech” just means that those consequences don’t include “imprisonment”.
  7. Dirty pictures. I mean – this goes without saying. Although I do think that this is one area where employers are over-stepping the mark – because who doesn’t have a history? Just exercise a little un-tagging discretion. And block the college/university friends who insist on being foolish on your wall.

I can’t believe that I have to point this out: but Facebook and Twitter are your new and very fulsome Curriculum Vitae. New employers, new prospective partners and new people in general are going to use it to judge you.

If you want something to remain private, the answer is not “adjust a privacy setting”. The answer is: “just shut up”.